Join the Selfservatives

We Need You


  • Are you a chinless sex-pest with wandering hands and a heightened sense of personal entitlement?
  • Do you follow a philosophy of self-enrichment through the medium of trouser-press purchase?
  • Would you be capable of throttling a pensioner if it was one of the conditions of entry into a tax avoidance scheme?
  • Has your taxpayer-funded property speculation made you into a scrounging tosser of the first order?

If ‘yes’ is the answer to any of these questions then we need you in the Selfservative Party. The Selfservatives are a like-minded group, a loose coalition, a fragrant collective of silver-tongued, soft-skinned kitty fiddlers.

Join us today; here at the Selfservatives, we are driven* by the need to help each other because, by doing so, it helps us help ourselves. Feel the camaraderie of a political party with real convictions (for fraud, gross indecency, perverting the course of justice and false accounting).

Join the Selfservatives today. Get in the trough because we’re all in it together.

*Although it was really our wife who was driving at the time.

Free DoSS eBook available

In keeping with the Government’s policy of Up-to-Date Digital Inclusion and timely sharing of official documents, we’re delighted to inform you that the 2010 Annotated edition of the Social Scrutiny book, Britain: What A State, is now available for free.

To download, go to And may God have mercy on your soul.

Merry Bureauchristmacy

Subject: 2011 Departmental Christmas Card Directive

This year's seasonal missive from the Department of Social Scrutiny will, for the first time, be enabled by your colleagues at the Ministry of Festive Observance.
This means that, unlike previous years where individual Departments were responsible for sending out cards unilaterally, MoFO is at long last able to enforce the Government's policy on Multilateral Minor Package Reciprocation or MMPR.

Under MMPR, cards will only be sent in response to a successful application for festive communication being received by MoFO before the end of the tax year in which Christmas occurred and claims for back-dated Seasonal Felicitations must now be made within seven years of the final hour of the last day of the fiscal year in which a qualifying Christmas occurred.

An example of one of the new forms is reproduced below.



DoSSPodCast & Espionage Forecast

An audio statement on the phone hacking scandal has been issued by the Department. Download the podcast below. Also contains the Espionage forecast for August.

Statement to the nation

DoSS updates its name and logo

In line with the coalition’s remit to “save money, whatever the cost”, it is with great pride that we can announce the Department is amalgamating with the Ministry for Auditing the Apocalympics. The new department will be known as the Department of Social Scrutiny and the Apocalypse - DoSSA.

We have commissioned a new logo - right - which, we think, mirror the new responsibilities of the Department while still in the traditional DoSS Pantone colours of Selsey Flapjack and Vichy Whisper. The logo integrates an Olympic Torch and a large bolide into the familiar DoSS eye device.

Copies of the new logo are available to all right-thinking newspaper editors. But not the News of the World, because they were on holiday at the time.

An audio statement on the phone hacking scandal has just been issued by the Department. Download the podcast below. Contains the Espionage forecast for August.