08/08/14 13:14 Filed in:
CoalitionThe leader of the Libnick Cleggocrats, Rocky Black, has promised that if the Lib-Dems win the next General Election, no one will be imprisoned for possession of drugs again. The move comes as it becomes apparent that not even a robust mass-hallucination strong enough to send the electorate gibbering into the woods for a month can help the Lib Dems win an election.
“That’s some pretty bad shit, right there”, said Black, as smoke escaped from the gaps around his eyeballs, “but just because I’m, like, obviously off my tits, doesn’t mean to say that we errr, ah, what was I saying?”
Political analysts, meanwhile, point to the possibility that even the strongest mind-altering drugs cannot bugger the brain enough to make anyone vote Liberal Democrat ever again and only hallucinations of Castaneda proportions can imagine a prospect marginally less likely than the spontaneous metamorphosis of Kenneth Clarke into a moth.
Above: The Right Hon Kenneth Clarke, MP, as a moth.
Tags: Coalition
26/07/14 15:10 Filed in:
Coalition | Money | DoSS BusinessWe Need You
- Are you a chinless sex-pest with wandering hands and a heightened sense of personal entitlement?
- Do you follow a philosophy of self-enrichment through the medium of trouser-press purchase?
- Would you be capable of throttling a pensioner if it was one of the conditions of entry into a tax avoidance scheme?
- Has your taxpayer-funded property speculation made you into a scrounging tosser of the first order?
If ‘yes’ is the answer to any of these questions then we need you in the Selfservative Party. The Selfservatives are a like-minded group, a loose coalition, a fragrant collective of silver-tongued, soft-skinned kitty fiddlers.
Join us today; here at the Selfservatives, we are driven* by the need to help each other because, by doing so, it helps us help ourselves. Feel the camaraderie of a political party with real convictions (for fraud, gross indecency, perverting the course of justice and false accounting).
Join the Selfservatives today. Get in the trough because we’re all in it together.
*Although it was really our wife who was driving at the time.Tags: Coalition, Money, DoSS Business