Memo to members of the International Olympic Committee
News has come to us, through the usual channels, that a fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse, “Dressage”, has been created by the 2012 Apocalypse Committee to compete in the event that bears his name.

Until recently, it was unclear which nation’s flag he would compete under as difficult conditions in the sky dictate that there are presently UN Sanctions in force against both Niburu and Hades which are, respectively, his home address and his place of work, but the Government have seen fit, in the extraordinary circumstances, to modify their methodology and make him a British subject, while awarding him an MBE for good measure and fast-track an application to make him Harbinger Laureate in the process.

With many of the formalities out of the way, Dressage still faces a drugs test as suspicions about anabolic steroids have arisen, mostly on account of the fact that he is over 12 feet tall and occasionally appears to gently smolder at the end of a round. His explanation - that he is “made of wrath, fury and choleric ill-will to all puny human life” - has now understood to have been taken aboard by the surviving members of the official Olympic Misuse of Drugs Committee who, at the end of the day, were hitherto unable to operationalise the request proactively.

Tags: Apocolympics