Can you be bothered or not?

Points to remember   
  1. Either George Orwell or Winston Churchill probably said something really important about apathy, but we really can't be bothered to look it up right now.
  2. Anarchy literally means "spider without legs".
  3. Apathy is now available as a Degree-level course. To apply, simply pick up the phone and sigh to an operator.
  4. You will be first with your back against the wall when the revolution comes.

If you've read this far, beyond the bullet points we traditionally use to communicate with imbeciles and ITV sitcom viewers, you might like to flatter yourself that you are not very apathetic at all.

Or, indeed, you have the political sense to know that anarchy always ends in tears. Which is the reason why democracy always starts with a joke.

But how would you - and, more importantly, we - know precisely how half-arsed your thinking is?

Simple. We ask you a series of seemingly unrelated and subtle psychometric questions which are designed to get under your skin without you guessing the outcomes. You answer them. Then just click submit for the result.


  1. A politician comes to your door to canvas for your vote. Do you…

    Get your mates to hold the crypto-fascist down as you superglue an "Enemy of Planet Earth" rosette to their forehead?

    Invite them in, give them a cup of tea and talk to them at length about local issues like the dog-turd situation and the closure of St Crispin's Centre for the Voluntarily Wasted?

    Nod politely as you work out a way of asking them if they can pop down the shop to buy you some chocolate and rizlas?


  2. Plans are published to build a toxic waste dump in what is currently your kitchen. Do you:

    Compliantly move into the lounge on the condition that the contractors make your dinner?

    Start a pressure group to resite the facility in the kitchen of a poorer family who will be grateful for the jobs and wider economic benefits brought by the toxic waste industry?

    Make a protest camp with aerial walkways connecting the cooker hob with the top of the kitchen cabinets while a team of expert tunnellers barricade themselves into the oven and washing machine?


  3. An abattoir for a major supermarket is exposed ritually humiliating turkeys for fun before they are killed for Christmas. Do you?

    Cook the meat a little longer to remove the bitterness?

    Break into the supermarket one night to liberate the frozen turkeys.

    Have a word with the contractors who operate the toxic waste dump in your kitchen and mention that you "feel like chicken tonight".

| Submit |