This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
Delphi
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Hi and lo
I make no apologies for no sick bag!
You'll have to find your own from now on.
This is dedicated to all my Year 10 friends at school.
My plan was to return today to say goodbye and leave the school for the last time after tea and cake with you lot but it became more than that. Wandering round the school I bumped into more friends than I expected and it started to get a bit sad and that made me very happy because we all felt the same.
Iād planned only to visit you Food Technology chums and spend some time with you but I couldnāt say goodbye to waves and smiles and hugs. And Year 10 boys are cool (well mostly). Cheerio to Pen Spear, Rave the Brave, St.Eve, Crispin Front and the Crooner. Just calm down The Ant Knee and The Foot, calm down. You people came to mean a lot to me and although I spent most of the time with a selected few, I could feel relaxed and stimulated in any of your company. Farewell Captain Marcel Kellog until we meet again. See you one day Tom-Tom ö stay our of that parallel vortex.
The girls are marvellous and every one a jewel. Thereās The TV Presenter, (hello, good evening, here is the news·); our good friend dear Pisa (excellent runner ö sava?). Bye, bye Nagem- sparkling like you do; and that one from down the M6 who can almost write as good as worrIdo, like ö Hellonwheels, her name is. Mistress Pony, Missy Clips, The Koffee Kween (black,one sugar), My Combi Girl, The Make-up Girl (thanks for the hug), Kohl Eyes and Saxophone Sal ö thank you for your beautiful smile.
Itās sesh a pity that Mad Abba was skiving although I was cheered up when Florence gave me my 40p investment dividend so I thank her for guidance. And you people have ideas that are not always brand new but you really do make them sound fresh! You are full of life and you shared your life with me. We had a laugh. And there are those of you who have diamonds in your eyes, fabulous imaginations and limitless ambition. You have colours and dreams that make me think. Some of you are too loud and some of you are dreamers but you are absolutely no different from ALL the kids Iāve been talking to since I was one myself, since I was talking to Plato. Exactly the same. As I walked, things were becoming emotional, so I was glad at one point to visit the Year 7 drama class where I could be anonymous. They couldnāt care who I was and I could take a breath.
I learned a great deal these past two years ö it seems a lot longer ö and I thank you for your company. Iāll keep the secrets. And other things Iāll always keep, things about myself. Like I learned to look at problems from the other personās point of view. How to be polite when Iāve wanted to be rude. I tried to be patient when I didnāt always have the time. But more than anything, Iāve felt that you, without realising it, helped me to try to do better as a person and I can never thank you enough for that. I just hope you remember how wonderful I was and remember to send me some money at Christmas.
If I forgot to include any one of you, itās only my memory - not my heart.
Remember, always take care of each other and try to keep in touch.
In the meantime, have a hug·with love from me to you.
"Good morning my lovely people!" The teacher is bright and cheerful this morning.
Annette sucks a lollipop.
The curtains are drawn and the lights are on even though itās only just 10am.
Gerald admires Brandyās new coat."I love that colour grey youāre wearing." Brandy flushes,"Me too·weāve got so much in common·" Gerald grimaces,"Not really." Someone has some unwrapped mouth-watering sandwiches temptingly displayed for all to see.
"Anyone desirous of papyrous?" Sir is still optimistic. ·Pepsi·bottled water· crisps·itās like Glastonbury in here this morning. Gerald talks across the room to Brandy. "Is that a new coat?" Brandy is pleased. "Itās got two zips." Gerald, "Thatās so cool."
The teacher feels left out. "Anyone·donāt disappoint me· done their homework?" Someone makes a squeaky noise. Teacher presses on· ·only to be interrupted by Oonah. "Canāt we do a thingy thing?" Someone makes another squeaky noise. This time barely hiding his irritation, the teacher laughs, "Hey, why donāt you squeak as I write on the whiteboard and the first one out of synchronicity loses?" Carlotta nods wildly, "Good idea sir!" Sir, "Oh dear. I shouldnāt have given you that idea that should I? Oonah! Ssshhh! Oonah? Stop talking please, while I am talking. Oonah, George, Carlotta stop squeaking·three gun platforms· plus, I suppose you have to say, basement kitchen· so 1540. I think Iād like you·Oonah? Please stop talking! The gun platform was replaced ·" Oonah has a finger problem. "Sir, do you have a plaster?" "Sir?" ·squeak· "Sir, can I go and get a plaster?" "Youāll be fine·.fresh air·wait till later." The teacher bends to whisper more confidentially,"Just stick it away. Oonah thanks. The next important bit·" Sirās pen starts squeaking. "This is just an outline." Brandy catches Geraldās attention. "Have you seen my picture on the wall? Itās really embarrassing." Carlotta stands up and goes for the door. "Iām taking the sellotape back." Sirās not pleased with another interruption. "Leave it till the end of the ·" Carlotta protests. "She wants it back!" Sir looks at Oonah. "Go and get a plaster then·Versailles·" Carlotta has been to Versailles. "Iāve been to Versailles·" she beams. Sir tries some historic facts. "Elizabeth the First ordered the building, Carlotta, and the ramparts were to prevent attackers from...you could argue·1603·or even ·4·" Brandy is amazed. "God ! I canāt believe you know all this stuff·" I donāt think she should call him God in public·but thatās just an opinion· Sir, "Well, Iāve been teaching for a couple of years now·"
Gerald has a fact to share. "Sir, did you know thereās a bastard fish?" Me, "And a grape?" Gerald, "And a file?" Sir makes a joke. "Show me your hysterical knowledge·I mean·your historical knowledge·about the Civil War·by the way· my backās not hurting as much as it was last week. Thanks for asking·" No one asked him about his back.
Gerald tries one of his jokes (?) on the assembled group. "Why did the housewife cross the road? MORE TO THE POINT, WHAT WAS SHE DOING OUT OF THE HOUSE?" Absolute silence. The girls raise their eyebrows and exchange glances· "You can tell what Geraldās going to be like when he gets older·" "Lonely?"
Sir apologises for the white board being covered in writing. "I didnāt mean for you to copy so much from the board" "Sir, I didnāt know there were so many commas in History" "You liar. You liar! I saw you do it with my own bare hands!" "The only strong thing about you, boy, is your smell"
"Sir, if you wipe away some of the letters from the board you find rude words." Sir gives in. "OK Graham, what have you found?" "Sir, I found penis" "Bin looking long?"
"Billy the Biroās dead."
Rose whispers to me, "Know what sir? Thereās a video about Napoleon·.Heās a puppy"
Brandy asks Graham, "Can I have a chewing gum?" "No, Iāve eaten them all," he whispers, "but Iāll give you one secretly later." "In your dreams, cowboy!" says Brandy.
"Graham, you should be wearing thick-lensed glasses to drool and slaver over smutty words"
"Donāt draw on me!"
"Did I tell you my back is getting better thanks"
Mobiles appear as class enthusiasm evaporates in the morning steam. "Itās quiet ö too quiet!"
Outside in the passageway between buildings a student looks embarrassed. Heās been shackled with a cable grip to a metal roof support and then abandoned.
Dynnargh welcome Mingalaba foon ying witojtaz benvinguts hafa adai marsha wooghill yooghill dooghill va Īohtama nāestsehnestse tikulandirani
Welcome to Delphi Incomprehensive
Itās Tuesday
Science
La Gobola is looking tanned. She makes the most of the neckline of a new black top. Sheās strangely quiet. Sheās probably thinking of her latest flame, the nasty piece of work, Master Johnny Crawford, nevertheless, she gives the impression sheās paying attention.
Itās a small class today because some are potholing in old tin mines in an attemp to unravel the mysterious Voynich Manuscript written by the mysterious Wilfrid Voynich Jnr. Written in an mysterious unknown language with lots of pages of drawings of strange humanoids in space-type suits, it has thwarted the best analytical brains in Year 10. On the other hand and some are out simply enjoying the glorious sunshine. And itās hot.
The teacher begins the lesson with a drawing of a prancing herbivore and writes 10% on its body. Proudly, he announces, "The rest comes out as shit!" Many of the students are shocked and cover their ears.
Kooky is reading a video sleeve. La Gobola looks over her shoulder and say, "I love that film" Kooky ignores her completely.
The teacher asks a question, "Itās the flow of energy that produces what type of organism. Eh?" No response. La Gobola wears her glasses on top of her head in an attempt to look ice cool. Sheās got her own conversation going whilst she finishes an apple. "Can you put this in the bin for me, sir?" Sighing deeply, Sir gets the bin for her muttering, "Whatās the boiling point of human patience?"
Dulux has a serious scientific question, "Sir, whoād want to swim in shit?" The teacher has his answer ready, "Weāve been doing it for years except that we filter out all the really lumpy bits." How weāre supposed to eat in this lesson with that sort of talk going on is beyond me.
La Gob helps herself to Cindyās sweets hoping to be alowed to as a friend. Cindy flashes her a look.
"What the f***!" Kooky is inspecting the teacherās choice of music.
A metal table crashes over. Dulux and Jock are almost choking with surpressed laughter. Sir is furious. "Try being a bit grown up!" and I wonder who they can use for a role model. "Where were we? Oh right, ĪShitā." He looks like he needed to say that. The teacher then resorts to explaining Gastric and Gut Physics using old stanby words intending to startle the students into paying attention, like, ĪPiss; bonking; mucus; urinate; digest; bladder; phlegm; biomass and Bon Jovi. The teacher seems quite pleased with his lexicon.
Dulux and Jock are trying to identify the temporal vortex in space time continuum and doing quite well until the teacher interrupts with, "Make sure your microscans are reduced and you clean the lens with a treated wipe before engaging the stereoptocom." La Gobola calls out something but no one can unravel her vowels and grunts.
Slim pipes up with something crude about astronomical and botanical alchemy. No one laughs. Slim then turns to Tadpole and strikes up a meaningful conversation about fish fingers. La Gob sings.
The second Sir turns up the volume to his Bon Jovi CD, itās practically impossible to concentrate. Captain Kellogās ears start bleeding although he looks happy enough. Nearly everyone sticks in their personal earphones and start head banging. Except for La Gobola who is showing Dulux and Jock her navel jewellery.
