The Government stepped up its plans to introduce biometric ID cards this morning with the appointment of Alan Bladder, MP as the new Biometric Tsar.
Bladder, no stranger to controversy, immediately issued an urgent statement to encourage people to take their dead skin home with them in the interests of National Security.
"I urge everyone to keep their dead skin in a jar," said Bladder, "until we figure out what to do with it all - we may have introduce emergency powers to clear the backlog."
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"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine