"Keep All Your Old Skin in a Jar", Says Biometric Fraud Tsar.

The Government stepped up its plans to introduce biometric ID cards this morning with the appointment of Alan Bladder, MP as the new Biometric Tsar.

Bladder, no stranger to controversy, immediately issued an urgent statement to encourage people to take their dead skin home with them in the interests of National Security.

"I urge everyone to keep their dead skin in a jar," said Bladder, "until we figure out what to do with it all - we may have introduce emergency powers to clear the backlog."

 Britain: What A State

The Department of Social Scrutiny's guide to your entire life in Britain. Includes all necessary tax and identity card application forms and a full guide to the British public transport system, as officially sanctioned by Notwork Rail.

Plus: New retirement guide "Are You Alright, Dear", handy graduated tea strength colour matching chart and official guidelines for the consumption of cake, biscuits and other snacks served at ambient room temperature.

Britain: What A State

�Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain.� Charlie Brooker
�If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up.� Sunday Telegraph Magazine